Put up your dukes!

Interestingly enough, he was named The Duke after a dog...much like how another adventurous hero earned his moniker after a favorite pet, as revealed by his father played by Sean Connery...

I'm reminded of a lot of classic movies as I write this post. The Bells of Saint Mary's where the nun tries to teach the little boy about boxing, calling that it's all about the footwork. Scout tackling the boys criticizing her father at school in To Kill a Mockingbird. Tony showing off his quick feet and sassing Gibbs right before, in true Marine fashion, Gibbs slams him to the floor with hardly any effort. Ok, maybe N.C.I.S. isn't a classic movie, but it's a good show and it follows the pattern. Work with me here, would you?

My life feels like it's been a huge fight lately. I'm surrounded on all sides, in all situations, by obstacles and conflict. A few of my high school students are refusing to cooperate, be respectful, or put any effort into their work. My technology woes at the university are still holding strong, as well as those plaguing my fledgling website. I got a parking ticket because I didn't have a sticker...and although I ordered one, it took "too long" to arrive. My new black dress shoes are doubling as torture devices for my toes, my formal dress is still a little too tight in the ribs, my hair is suddenly stringy, and mysterious bruises are appearing in odd places. I'm behind on my grading, even more so on my lesson plans, and am desperately snatching moments to try to prepare for the ACFW conference. Top it off with a new relationship that leaves me feeling rather bipolar as I swing from contentment and this-could-be-love-someday to confusion, fear, and uncertainty...and I'm seeing stars that have nothing to do with sleep deprivation. Satan's been attacking me mercilessly for weeks now, and I haven't been doing that great of a job fighting him off.

In a way, that I'm being pursued so hard is a bit of a compliment--I'm doing great things for God that will not only help me but many, many others. There are a lot of blessings in my life that Satan's trying to distract me from. I met a man who is almost the male version of myself...and despite that we get along pretty well. :) I am working at the university of my dreams, a place that always feels rather much like home. I finished a novel which is already affecting those who have read it (my ministry's starting!) and have been given inspiration for a trilogy. I am blessed with an awesome church family, personal family, friends, and even a couple of bosses who have surprised me lately in how much they are willing to work with me and support me more than the college's rules and regulations.

Yesterday I kind of lost it for a while. I let my doubts about myself build, mix with fear and frustration, and then bubble up into this toxic casserole of despair. I was so blinded to the good things that I let Satan twist every blessing into some sort of a curse. The sky got rather dark for a while despite it being semi-clear and sunshiny.

I'm ashamed that it took me so long to break out of the half-Nelson Satan had on my mind, that it took me so many hours (although this has been building for days) to turn to God and pray. It wasn't until I flipped through several worship songs on my iPod, half-heartedly going through the motions of singing, that I found one that really clicked. "Trading my Sorrows." I needed to stop holding on to the pain, frustration, fatigue, and fear. I'm supposed to give them to God, show that I trust Him, and move on. Am I still stressed? Yes, but I have a different attitude. Instead of focusing on all the things I'm not getting done that need to be done, I'm focusing on what I have accomplished and the great opportunities before me. I'll be able to do what has to be completed, and the rest can be taken care of later or worked around. It's a rough week. It's not the end of the world.

So while I'm humming "Count Your Blessings" from my all-time favorite movie White Christmas (you really need to watch the movie, but you can find a decent alternate version of the song by Bing Crosby here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qmMaPTuTEE), I'm heading off to drive to the next county and try to work with some youth. I'll also be remembering the illustrious John Wayne and how he would handle an attack from Satan while in character from one of my favorite movies with him, McClintock. Check it out for yourself (start at :30 if you just want the good part...but the whole scene's great): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifRKu1W1fXQ.